well look what i discovered 

I haven't been taking my paxil and i am almost back to square one so i started them again.....ugh

But with all my problems came a good thing (sort of) i found out i cant count on joel, ever. I am his friend but he isn't mine. He has the friendship from me that every time he has a problem i am there to listen and talk it out and make him feel good again. You would think it would be returned...nope it's not. If i have problems, take them elsewhere. If i'm happy, he turns it into me loving him or something, if i'm pissed he again turns it into me loving him.
Tonight i was telling him about some problems and he went..yeah...sweet....check out this chick i'm talking too. So i do and i'm like ...yeah...whatever. And then i said how i didn't appreciate him ignoring me and blah blah blah and i though he would be there for me when i had a problem cause we're friends and i hope if he does want to date this girl she has no problems or better luck. And he's like krista you know there is nothing between us. And i'm like oh i thought there was friendship, dont i feel stupid assuming that oh wow sorry for ever bothering you king joel. Holy fuck what an idiot. I wish i could cut all emotional ties with him and be done for good, i hate it how i cant. Why do i feel like i need him? beats the hell out of me...literally.

So i'd like to take him out of my "friend" section of the brain but i dunno why i cant. I have maybe 5 people up there.....uhhhh and i know i can call any of them but these problems are about depression and ms and joel was the one who was supposed to know best on how to help me caues he's been there. I guess he doesn't care enough to be my friend.

Krista Experienced Paradise at 10:32 AM
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