self indulgence 

well i had a wonderful day, but in a mental state like mine (or kyla's for that matter) i could be at disney and have the worst time of my life...but i made the best of it, as i have been doing with everything.

Some ups of the day was having breakfast with the girls + em's boyfriend who i believe was dumped a few hours later. Then I went with tash to celebrate her 20th at the pub and had supper. Then, being the loner i am, I declined invitations to continue celebrating at merrils or go to some bikini contest with emily. I just wanted to be alone.

So, wanting to just blend in the shadows, I decided to take in a girlie flick. I got ready, got on the bus and went to park lane. I waited in a line that wrapped around the bottom court yard. I got a ticket for Me and the Prince (i dunno the real name of it), 5 minutes into the previews.

Then i moved on to a $5 regular sized pop corn, found a seat on the left side in a row to myself and got out the lemonaid i snuck in my purse and set up shop. Well, watching movies in a theare by yourself is dangerous.....your body forgets you arent alone and does things. Like i found myself nodding when the actors were saying something about love i agreed with...or when i was really interested i tilted my head sideways a bit. I tried to stop. I had to put my head on my hand to conciously have control over it.

It was a wonderful movie. I loved it in all it's predictability. Perfect movie for me. I want an outcome like that in my life. Oh well. I didnt get upset with myself...instead i tried to hold back tears for the prince and...(her...or me...you get what i mean)

I wondered why i was holding back, i had no friends there to notice me crying at this sappy movie....but then i remembered there were over 100 others in the room. Then i heard a girl moan and sobs began. Ahhh...thats why i'm not doing that. I laughed.

I got up feeling good and took off walking like Oprah on a spring day with her dog. Walked right out to MacDonalds, where i quickly ordered 2 #1's to go please. Bagged em up in salade bags cause it was raining like piss. Stood outside thinking I was the luckiest girl alive having seen a great chick flick AND holding 2 big macs AND not having to walk home...in the rain....EVEN!

So i get home and am on the elevator thinking how tim is working so hard he would be sooo glad to see me and I would surprise him with a #1 meal i bought him!
Well...the elevator stopped on 2. Tim looks at me. I smile at him and say "HEEEYYY" like a little girl that sees the icecream man. His face says "oh fuck, she found me....what do i say so that i can get rid of her for now, finish doing whatever underhanded thing i am doing and talk to her at the last minute". So i quickly make a neutral face. He's not getting a big mac now. I am keeping it for breakfast. He says things...I hardly listen. I say "whatcha up to now?" he says "oh.....ahhhhh.....ahhhhhhhhh.......*turns looks at the elevator panel*....i am going right back down for a bit." i say "you pressed the up button." he- "oh i ahhhhhh i am just going home to get ahhhhh *looks away* ummm my thingamajigy" me-silence he-"blah blah blah blah excuse excuse change topic chage topic" me- not listen him- silence me- "movie was good" him- *lights up with topic changed and danger thought to be avoided* you went to a movie? by yourself? which one? me- "the prince and me or something" him-"by yourself" me-"yup, you said you couldnt come" him-"what that in the bag?" me- *fuck you mother fucker*"nothing" him-*i want some*"macdonalds? prolly still warm" me -"heh" *looks at floor #*"your stop" him- "see you in a short bit" me- silence *draw curtain/door*

I came in. I woke tamara up out of a deeply needed sleep. "i smell cigar smoke, gnight" come in my room and eat my big mac...its good. It makes everything better.

The other one is going to stay in the fridge till morning. i dont think i will answer my phone or door. Tim is a very believable liar when he is spilling emotions. I even think he has mastered fake crying. A real pro i am dealing with here. Lets see how cold i can be. I hope i dont give in, but i most likely will be nice to him soon anyways.

If you dont like play by play entries then why the fuck did you read this whole thing?

Krista Experienced Paradise at 12:28 AM
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